Mixed feelings.

So lately I've had many mixed emoitions. I feel selfish, mean, angry, left out, fake, depressed, annoyed, ect. I feel like I haven't changed "enough" since the accident. I feel like I'm just dinking along without having any real purpose and I get so mad at myself for that. I feel like I haven't gotten any closer to the Lord since this happened, but I don't really feel myself drifting away from Him. I just feel myself falling into the same old rut I was in before. I feel left out and annoyed, because people aren't really sure what to say to me now, so they don't really say anything at all. I feel like I don't have anyone outside of my family to really talk to about whats going on, but when I do talk about Ashley, I feel so selfish and like I'm dragging them into a dark hole. I feel annoyed when people don't ask me how I'm really doing. then I feel selfish for thinking that. I feel horribly selfish when I get mad at people for telling me about their "stupid little lives" when they seemingly don't give a crap about me. I just want someone to sit with me and hold my hand while I have a good cry and say everything thats on my mind. I feel my depression kicking in again, and that is the last thing I need right now.