People

Why are people in general so rude? Now don't get me wrong, I really do like people and tend to give them the benifit of the doubt, but lately I've realized how rude, mean, and cruel human beings can be. In my line of work I tend to come across the worst of the worst. People who no matter how nice you are to them, they just can't stop being rude. I.E. customers who critize my hair because they think I'm too stylist, or the ones who can't order the right way to save their lives and scream at you when you're trying to figure out what they want. Or my favorite, nasty old men who make you feel like you're two inches tall by shouting, "DO YOU THINK ANYONE IS LISTENING TO YOU?!" right after you try to read their order back to them.
Why do people do this to other people? Do people feel like they have to be rude to be feared and admired? Do they think they have to put others down to feel better about themselves? Would it really hurt them all that much to smile and say hello, and to just be civilized? It makes you wonder how much spit these people have eaten in their life because of how rude they were? Or how many times when they asked for a Triple Venti Skinny Vanilla Latte, and they got a decaf, wholemilk, sugarfilled latte instead?
Trust me, its really not all that hard to be nice to people, even if you're having the worst day of your life. Chances are, if you're nice, you'll get a free drink or someone else will be really nice back and could make your day better. Eye contact and a friendly hello go a long way for those who serve rude people all day. I guess my point is, be nice to the people who serve you food and drink, because you never know what you're really putting in your mouth.

Mixed feelings.

So lately I've had many mixed emoitions. I feel selfish, mean, angry, left out, fake, depressed, annoyed, ect. I feel like I haven't changed "enough" since the accident. I feel like I'm just dinking along without having any real purpose and I get so mad at myself for that. I feel like I haven't gotten any closer to the Lord since this happened, but I don't really feel myself drifting away from Him. I just feel myself falling into the same old rut I was in before. I feel left out and annoyed, because people aren't really sure what to say to me now, so they don't really say anything at all. I feel like I don't have anyone outside of my family to really talk to about whats going on, but when I do talk about Ashley, I feel so selfish and like I'm dragging them into a dark hole. I feel annoyed when people don't ask me how I'm really doing. then I feel selfish for thinking that. I feel horribly selfish when I get mad at people for telling me about their "stupid little lives" when they seemingly don't give a crap about me. I just want someone to sit with me and hold my hand while I have a good cry and say everything thats on my mind. I feel my depression kicking in again, and that is the last thing I need right now.

My sweet Niece!

I'm starting this blog because no matter how many people say "If you need anyone to talk to I'm here", I just can't seem to express to anyone whats going on inside.
About 3 weeks ago my beautiful niece, Ashley, died in a horrible boating accident. She was 11 years old. She was such a happy little girl and her love for the Lord still amazes me. She always had such a big smile on her face and she made everyone feel special. She was so creative and she loved to dance. Whenever she came out to visit us she always had big things planned for the time that she'd be here and half the time most of them fell through. She told me on her last visit here that I was everything she wanted to be when she grew up. How I wish I could have seen her grow up into a wonderful woman of the Lord, and I pray that I can live up to even half her expectation of wanting to be like me. I miss her smile, I miss her laugh, I miss her joy, I miss her beautiful face, I miss all the years that have been robbed from us, I miss her.